Darkness is light

"For darkness is as light to you."

In church, we sing about the light, the glory, the beauty, the majesty.  And we feel lifted up.    

We pray for blessings and strength, peace and happiness. And we feel hope.

And when those prayers are answered we are grateful.

Whether we intend it or not, our hearts build up walls within and without.  We develop judgments and categories.  Light =  good.  Darkness = bad.  Strength = good.  Weakness = bad.  Peace = good.  Chaos = bad. 

We forget that light and darkness are bound up together.  Death and life.  Heaven and hell. 

From the darkness under the soil, a seed sprouts and pushes into the light. 

From the darkness of the womb and through pain and blood, life emerges.

The chaos and terror of an electrical storm sets a forest ablaze and some seeds are released from their dormancy to life.

The universe is full of light and beauty. 

And darkness and chaos.

And it’s all wonderful, and awful at the same time.

But we proceed as though only some parts of us, or the earth, or of others are worthy;   the good parts, the strong parts, the useful parts, the beautiful parts.

In doing this we create a separation within ourselves, within the creation and within our relationships with others. 

This separation needs to be reconciled.  We need a reconciling embrace with ourselves, with the nations, and with all species of the earth, an embrace that opens wide to the darkness in ourselves, others and the earth. 

A welcome for the unclean, and even for death in order to learn it is at the heart of life.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

……….

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

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#Metoo - part 4

What if you're big enough to fight off the ass-grabber?

Stan is a middle aged guy who grew up in the days when high school hallways and high school dances were filled with guys grabbing and pinching girl's asses.  I grew up in those days too.   We didn't know any better and thought that to be objectified and assaulted was a compliment and was normal.   In those days an ass-grab was a badge of honor.  It meant a guy liked you.  Kind of like when, in kindergarten, a boy who liked you hit you and ran away.  

Stan had this to say, "I think this whole thing has just gone too far.  I mean, I agree that a guy taking his dick out, or raping a girl is definitely sexual assault, but a lot of the stuff women are getting upset about is not sexual assault.  I mean, if a guy grabs a woman’s ass, it used to be OK.  It used to be a compliment.  I get that the rules have changed and now it's considered rude, but it’s not sexual assault."

I asked Stan, "So, if a grown man pinched your eight year old daughter’s ass, is it sexual assault?"

"Not the same thing!" Stan objected

But I asked Stan, why it's different -  just because one is an adult and one is a child.  Does it change the nature of the behavior?

Stan argued that yes, it WAS different.  It was different because a child cannot defend themselves.  Children are vulnerable and defenseless, whereas a woman can fight back, which made his viewpoint much like Jim's in #metoo part 1.  He was saying that the woman did not have to consent prior to the ass-grabbing, so long as she was able to fend off the ass-grabber after the fact.   In other words, a child is too defenseless and vulnerable to consent and an adult woman need not consent because she is not defenseless.  

I asked Stan, " so, if the kid is the same size and strength as the adult and can hold their own with the adult, then it’s OK for the adult to grab the kid’s ass?   It’s a matter of being an equal physical match up?  It’s a matter of being able to defend themselves adequately?" 

I also asked Stan "if a guy who was your same size, who you could have a fair-fight with, grabs your ass, is that OK with you?"

It was interesting to me that Stan was quite clear that ass-grabbing is off-limits with children and among men, regardless of size or strength .....but not with women. 

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Must I objectify to love?

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Must we objectify someone or something in order to love it?

Can we love without action?

Can we love from afar?

If love is an emotion, must it have an object to attach itself to?

When love is just an emotion, just what exactly are we loving anyway?  When we feel an emotional feeling of love or charity toward someone, we are simply loving our concept of them. Unless we are talking about our emotional reaction to the way they look, we aren’t loving the actual, concrete being. We are loving all the mental and emotional concepts and definitions we have attached to them.  We are loving the object we created in our own mind.  This creation of ours may or may not be them at all.  We could have them all wrong.  In this way, people are not objects that can ever be fully known.  They are infinite with infinite depths and cannot be pinned down so easily.  Thus, we may be loving someone that doesn’t even really exist. 

And so it is with love for God.

So if by objectifying others, or God, I end up loving something that may not even exist, how then do I love?

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

 You might think at first glance that the simple equation is that love is a verb that requires an object to give to.  However, love can only truly occur when it is a verb applied to a non-object.  When it is  given freely in action form to another person without making assumptions about who that person is or what they will do with our gift.  Without objectifying.   

Feed his lambs. 

Who are they?

How can we know?

Are we feeding a lamb?

A sinner?

Someone blameless?

Someone trustworthy?

A con artist?

A devil?

An angel? 

God?

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#Metoo - part 3

"Why don't girls just ask for help?"

I was speaking to Will.  Will is a 23 year old college student.  He's a nice looking kid, sensitive, intelligent, well spoken and artistic.    Will said,  "I don’t understand why girls don’t just ask me for help if they feel afraid.  Like if they are afraid to walk to their car at night when leaving a bar, why don’t those women just ask a guy to escort them?  I would be more than happy to make sure a girl gets to her car safely.  It makes me sad for them that they are afraid of all men.  I mean, most guys are good guys and, like me they would be happy to help out.  It upsets me to be lumped in with the creeps." 

I agreed with Will; most guys are good guys and they would be happy to help.    But I explained to Will that there’s just no way a woman can ever know who is the good guy and who is the bad guy.   I was married to a guy for almost eighteen years who I thought was one kind of guy and it turned out he was another.  Statistically, women are more likely to be assaulted by someone they know than by a stranger.  Dads assault their daughters, uncles assault their nieces, boyfriends rape their girlfriends, neighbors rape their neighbors.  I asked Will how a woman is supposed to assess which guy to ask for help?  If she can’t even trust her father, or her husband to keep her safe – then who?  

Statistically, one in five women has been the victim of attempted or completed rape in their lifetime, and nearly 1 in 2 have experienced sexual violence other than rape in their lifetime (rrsonline.org) 

Will, imagine you were up against those statistics.  Imagine you were in a bar full of men and you knew your odds were 1 in 2 for being attacked.   You know that in that bar, almost all the guys are good guys.  How do you spin those odds?  Who do you trust in that bar?   How do you choose?

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#Metoo - part 2

"We expect and demand that women be patient, nurturing, forgiving, healing, self-effacing and self-sacrificing.  Women are expected to be nonviolent in a violent male society"

In Richard Rohr’s book “Simplicity” he writes: 

“In the patriarchal view (1) all relationships are eventually defined in terms of superiority and inferiority, and (2) the all-important need for order and control is assured by the exercise of dominative power…..(this) has served to dehumanize and therefore despiritualize generations of races, nations, professions, women, sexual minorities, handicapped people, the weak and the elderly whom the powerful are able to disparage culturally and dismiss as being of no account.  Not only are the rich and powerful able to project their own darkness onto such groups, but the group normally accept that darkness as their true value. “

Historically, in many ways, women have been blamed for and have often accepted the responsibility for sexual dominance, control and abuse at the hands of men.

• At a party recently, my friend was kissed without her consent by a man who was not her husband "because she was so beautiful"
• As a teen, I was given the advice that if a woman never said no to her husband, he would never have a reason to "look elsewhere". 
• My daughters were cautioned as teens to dress only in certain ways or they might cause boys to "stumble" and lust.  
• When the news was full of stories of sexual harassment recently, my 84 year old mom recently responded with “after all …. the way women dress these days”
• In a ladies Bible study 15 years ago, the woman who produced the video series said that she got up every morning and put on make-up and rolled her hair before her husband left for work.  She did this so the last image he had of her as he left the house was one of beauty.  In this way, he would not be tempted by other women as he went through his day. 
• In my first marriage, my husband told me he couldn't slow down sexually for me because I drove him "out of control".
• When someone close to me was raped years ago, I was counseled by her therapist to not encourage her to press charges because the court process would be more of a rape than the rape itself.  

More from Rohr:

“without success (by his own definition) and control, the patriarch does not know who he is….such a life would not be worth living.   The language of patriarchy is always a noble or macho language of patriotism and freedom.  Men and their female echoes are always speaking it”

“Jesus would never have broken through (patriarchy)…if he had acted non-violently in a feminine body. ..because we expect and demand that women be patient, nurturing, forgiving, healing, self-effacing and self-sacrificing.  Women are expected to be nonviolent in a violent male society… but we are still not prepared for males or institutions or nations to act nonviolently.  That is why god had to become incarnate for us in the body of a man. “

If men can  blame women for and project their sexual impulses upon women, and women accept this blame/projection , then men need never come to terms with their sexual impulses and desires.  

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Easter

Up from the grave

If the tomb wasn’t empty, is faith in vain?

If the body, blood and bone didn’t rise up;

if all that arose was light, life, love

and that in which we live, and move and have our being

can we find peace?

I’ve had my crucifixions, and my wanderings through the swamps of hell.

I’ve spent some days shivering in the cold, damp blackness of the tomb.

Waiting

Wondering

Descending into despair.

But life has resurrected me

Over and over

I believe in the resurrection.

#Metoo - part 1

Why don’t girls just tell guys to fuck off?

It had to happen.

I had to talk about women and sexual assault/ harassment.  There's so much to be said and it's hard to know where to begin so this will be a multi-part post.  These are all just things I've thought about or things that have made me think.  They are based on conversations I've had with men, with women, podcasts I've listened to, echoes of my past, and books I've read.  Names have been changed

#1  Why don’t girls just tell guys to fuck off?

Jim is a single, never-been-married, no kids guy.  Jim is artistic and free-spirited.  He is progressive on most social issues.  He votes democrat and is pretty passionate politically. He's nice looking, athletic, and popular with the ladies.  Jim and I had a long conversation about all the celebrities that were being outed. Part of what Jim said was the following:

"I just don’t get it.  When I was in college, and we were out at the bars, I would grab girl’s asses.  They liked it.  Usually, if I grabbed a girl’s ass, we would end up making out.  Lots of times she would go home with me.   I don’t get why, if a girl doesn’t like it she doesn’t just tell the guy to fuck off."

My reply was this, "Jim, imagine you are in a bar, and a guy who outweighs you by 100 pounds grabs your ass.  You know your odds of being sexually assaulted is 1 in 2.  Do you take the risk that this guy is or is not the type of guy that would assault you?  Do you risk pissing this guy off?  Do you take the risk he might follow you out to your car later and assault you because you’ve pissed him off?  Do you tell this guy to fuck off?"

Jim actually said yes to my question which I found interesting.  My daughters would probably tell the guy to fuck off too.  More power to them....but I wouldn’t.

I just ignore the guy. 

Some girls smile to try to avoid provoking the guy.

Apparently, according to Jim's account of his college days, some girls end up making out with the ass-grabber.  I suspect these are girls who had been admiring Jim for a while and hoping to get noticed.  Who knows?  I can’t speak for them, but I tried to explain to Jim that culture has shifted.  Just because things were once ignored, or even accepted, doesn’t mean they should continue to be.  We can think of a million examples of this:  folks didn’t used to think anything of a man hitting his wife, or of separate drinking fountains for persons of color.  We used to have laws against birth control, and we didn’t have laws against drunk driving.  You get the point.   Culture evolves and changes, often for the better.  Grabbing someone’s ass without their consent just isn’t OK.  It never was, but many just weren’t tuned into it.   Sure, we should have been responding with a “fuck-off” all along.  But we didn’t and many times we still don’t.   And fundamentally, it's not the responsibility of the victim to correct the problem.  

Because we are still afraid. 

It made me think of my dog Clyde.  The other day he was sniffing and smelling at his dog-buddy Bert’s dog bed and then humping it. You see, Bert used to let Clyde hump him all the time.  I have no idea if Bert allowed the humping because Bert thought it was good fun, or if it was because Bert was afraid of Clyde.  Clyde is a 110 lb dog.  He outweighs Bert by 40 pounds and is pretty intimidating.  Clyde has always been the alpha and Bert has always submitted. But sometime during the past year, Bert has decided he’s had enough.  When Clyde tries to hump him, Bert goes ape crazy.  In his dog-way, Bert is telling Clyde to just fuck off.   Poor Clyde is understandably confused.  Bert always seemed to like the humping-play before.  It was all in good fun from Clyde’s perspective.   And now things have changed and Clyde has accepted that.  Bert has stopped giving his consent.   So now, Clyde just humps the bed.

Post script:  I was talking to my daughter the other night about this post.   She told me this story.  She was walking down the street one day and the wind caught her skirt.  A guy on the street saw it and walked past her and told her that was "hot" or "sexy" or something like that.   Ordinarily, she will tell a guy to fuck off.  My daughters are feisty.  But she didn't.  She froze.  I asked her why.  She said it was because she actually felt threatened that day on that street by that guy.   She said that usually when she tells someone to fuck off, she feels safe to do so.  She is surrounded by people, in public or similar.  In this situation she was alone...... and felt threatened.    

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The Wolf

"Shhh - it's the wolf!"

The Wolf is my daughter’s spirit animal and I don't really mean a tongue-in-cheek spirit animal.  That may sound a little "woo-woo", I mean who actually has a spirit animal?   But for real, when she was less than two years old, she used to “see” an unseen wolf around our house.   It was completely real to her.  When the wolf visited, she would freeze in her tracks and shush everyone in the room, quietly pointing to the unseen wolf.  She would quietly whisper her warning to us all, “SHHHH, it’s the wolf!!!”  

I’m not gonna lie, it was a little creepy – and a lot funny.  We had to work hard to be quiet around the wolf.  We wanted to giggle, or tell her there was no wolf.   But instead, we played along, frozen in our tracks and silent until the wolf went on his way. (I guess it was a he, I never really asked).

She’s 29 years old now and still has a thing about wolves.  She feels some kind of interesting and special kindred connection with them.  Whenever wolf stuff pops up in her life (I’m not totally sure how this happens), she takes it as a sign that there is something she’s supposed to stop, be quiet and listen to.   And you know what?  It works. 

She sent me an article the other day about the wolves that were re-introduced into Yellowstone National Park.  It’s a story many people are familiar with, and it’s a good one.  You probably know the story: when the wolves were re-introduced, as you’d imagine, they began to prey upon deer.  The deer moved to different areas and as a result entire new habitats began to grow, since the deer were not grazing in those areas.  Both plants and animals began to reappear in these habitats.  One of the most unexpected aspects to the entire ecosystem shift was that because trees began to grow in new areas, the rivers were re-routed.  Here’s a great little film on the whole phenomenon. 

https://stemjobs.com/wolves-change-rivers/

The article got me thinking about good and evil.   If I were a deer, I would pretty much think those wolves were evil.  They brought me nothing but fear, predation and death.  And from where the deer sit, that’s true.  But from the trees, and the mice, and the rabbits, and the bird’s perspective, the wolves were a good thing, a life-bringing thing.  And from the river’s perspective, the wolves were neither good nor bad, but the entire course of the river’s life was changed in ways the river had no awareness of

--because of the wolf. 

That’s kind of how it is in life.  There is no way to stand far enough away from a thing to know for sure if it is entirely good or entirely evil, or a little of both.  There is no way for sure to know if it is changing the entire course of your life. 

All you can do is participate in the unfolding drama.  Go along for the ride.  And maybe sometimes get really quiet and see if you can see the wolf. 

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May it be unto me as you have said

We are the third incarnation of the Christ.

My life has been filled with chaos of various kinds.  This is a great irony to me, since all I ever wanted was peace.   As a child, I just liked to be left alone so I could stay in my room and read a book.  As a teen, I played it safe.  I made choices that were calculated to avoid regret.  As an adult, I’ve taken few risks.  I like things quiet, calm, predictable.  But instead, chaos has surrounded me – over and over. 

Many times I have raged against this.  I’ve asked the proverbial “WHY?!?”  Over the years, I have spent countless moments screaming in my head (and sometimes out loud) to whomever would listen, “I’ve made choices in my life that were supposed to result in peace, WHY, WHY, WHY so much chaos!!!!?????”  I have found it hard to just accept what comes my way.   I don’t surrender well. 

I fight.  I fix.  I push through.  I don’t surrender. 

And so, my life has been visited and re-visited with chaos…..so I can learn surrender. 

Sometimes when I’m stuck in a pattern of behavior or thinking, I adopt a mantra - just something I recite to myself to re-direct my thought pattern.  Several years ago, I was particularly stuck in anger over the chaos.  Life just wasn’t going according to my agenda and I couldn’t find peace and acceptance.   So, I chose a mantra.  I chose the words that Mary the mother of Jesus said when the angel told her she was going to be impregnated by God, “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be unto me as you have said.” 

I mean, think about it.  You’re this 13 or 14 year old just minding your own business waiting to marry your betrothed Joseph and an angel appears to you and tells you, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.  So the holy one to be born will be called, the Son of God.”  

What?? 

This is going to put a serious kink in your plans.  People will gossip about you.  Joseph might not even marry you if he finds out your pregnant.  You didn’t ask for this kind of chaos, and your response is, “OK, do whatever you want, I’m your servant” ?     This seemed like a pretty extreme story about surrender, so I adopted the mantra.  That year, every time I felt rage, or bitterness rising up, I would simply say, “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be unto me as you have said.”  It was a powerful move in the journey of accepting what occurs in life and just taking it in without judgement or anger. 

It calmed me. 

Today, I was thinking back on the story that Mantra came from and it came to me in a whole different way. 

Mary was being asked to open up her body and allow the Christ to be incarnated in her, and she surrendered to it.  I reflected on how my life story is about me being penetrated by life circumstances and being opened up so that the Christ can be incarnated in me as well. 

Incarnating the Christ spirit inside my own body. 

So that my body becomes the very body of the Christ spirit in this world. 

The Bible tells us three ways the Christ spirit was incarnated (isn't it fun that it's three?):

First: in creation “Through him all things were made ……In him was life.”   Think about it, the creation is the first expression of the Christ.  The Christ spirit is in every part of creation.  If that doesn’t make you an environmentalist, nothing will.    

Second: through the life of Jesus.  This is the one we are taught about in church.  We are taught the story like the birth and life of Jesus was the only incarnation of the Christ.  But it wasn’t. 

Third: through us.  We are the third incarnation of the Christ.  His body here on earth.  And in order to actually be that, we have to surrender and open ourselves up to be penetrated by the spirit of love and to become the container, the womb and the birther of the same creative, loving, healing force that we see in the first incarnation, and the second….

“I am the Lord’s servant, may it be unto me as you have said.”

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Soils

“For me, the word “God” means “reality”.  Reality is God, because it rules.”

It’s spring and I’ve just spent the weekend composting my garden and planting.  So it seems the right time to post about soils. 

“A farmer went out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. Whoever has ears, let them hear.”

This parable is from the book of Matthew in the Bible.  It is explained later by Jesus and he says that the seed that falls on the different soils is the word of God.  I was always taught to hear “the word” as the “scriptures” or the “bible”.  But the “word” in the original text is “logos” – logic.

The word

The logos

The logic of God

God’s logic is not what we would expect.  Down is up and up is down.  We love our enemies.  The meek inherit the earth.  Those things we think are bad are actually good – or vice versa. 

If God brings a reality into my life that I don’t like – I may use my logic to judge it as a “bad” reality.  I may reject this and fight, struggle, and rage to change this reality for a different one.  Believe me, I've spent hours, days, weeks, years doing just that.  But God has given me the very reality I am struggling to change.  Or maybe God IS the very reality I'm struggling against.  His logic has said, “this is the story I am giving you right now.  This is my logic about how your life will go.”  If I reject this logic, this word – I am the path (the hard soil). If I accept his logic, but let the cares of my life (my busy-ness, my worries and concerns) distract me from really taking it IN and experiencing it and learning from it, I am the rocky soil or the thorny soil.  In all cases, whether path, rocky or thorny, what little fruit might have sprung from reality, will be unrealized. 

In her book, “Loving what is” Byron Katie states:

“For me, the word “God” means “reality”.  Reality is God, because it rules.”

She does a beautiful job describing the good soil:

“I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don’t feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.” 
 

When I planted my garden this weekend, I turned compost into the soil.  I want the soil to be moist and full of organic matter so it will hold water and nurture the seeds I plant.

In my life, when I take in reality – the word – the logos - and let it sit there – like a seed in good soil, when I hold it inside, and tend to it ….

Something will grow.  

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