In the moment

Maybe it’s just semantics, but it seems that when people say they are living for the moment, there may be regrets or a hangover in their future.

It seems to me there’s a difference between IN the moment and FOR the moment.

Living FOR the moment - is just doing whatever the hell you feel like with no regard to the consequences. Probably not conscious.

Living IN the moment - is paying attention to what is going on in this moment. Being present. Conscious.

Maybe it’s just semantics, but it seems that when people say they are living for the moment, there may be regrets or a hangover in their future.

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Your body is the temple

Is it possible that when the Bible says “your body is the temple of the holy spirit”, it is not saying that we should leave, suppress, and repress the body and find holiness in the mind; but rather go into the body to find god

A temple has historically been a place that cultures have set apart as sacred. A place to go to commune with the Divine. A place to meditate, to rest, to lay down burdens and to worship the source of life, to listen to words of peace and love, a place to heal and to restore the soul.

In the New Testament book of Corinthians, embedded in a paragraph about sexual immorality is this:

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

When I was growing up in church, that verse was always used to shame me into right behavior. Don’t do bad things with your body or you will pollute the temple of God.

Blah, blah.

When I did a google search for a picture or a meme for this post, I typed in “your body is a temple”, almost all of the results that came up were about purity, or taking care of the body:

“your body is a temple, not a visitor’s center”

“your body is a temple, keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in”

“your body is a temple, take good care of it”

“your body is a temple, honor it”

Maybe there’s something more interesting here than just the enforcement of purity or the promotion of clean living.

Maybe there are things that are in sacred writings that are profound in ways that the author had little idea of. Not just the author, but people in general. It’s easy for religion to get so caught up in the business of fear, control or self improvement that they don’t dig any deeper.

Religion communicated to me that the mind and soul were the way to god and were separate from the body. The body would get me (and others) into trouble if it were not tamed, suppressed and silenced.

But what if the body as the temple of god is about understanding that our BODIES are the very place where we will find truth, healing and connection with the Divine.

What if we thought of our BODIES as:

Sacred.

A place to go to commune with God.

A place to meditate.

A place to lay down burdens and to worship the source of life.

A place to listen for words of peace and love.

A place to heal and to restore the soul.

For me, the focus was on using the mind to commune with the sacred. Thinking the right way and believing the right things. Prayer was about talking to God and thinking about God. Worship was about thinking about the majesty of God. Meditation was about thinking about scripture, or some other sacred thought. There was bible study, and reading the right books, and having the right beliefs. Church was about good songs and good sermons and the right theology and the correct practices.

I’ve used my body as a tool and a workhorse to accomplish things. I have pushed it hard. I have tried forcing it into a box that society has created for it. I’ve ignored it when it wanted to sleep. I have punished it when it ate too much. I have ignored its voice when it said “no” because I lacked the courage to speak on its behalf and use my voice to say “no”. I have said hateful things to it because it wasn’t as lean or as beautiful as I wanted it to be. I have hidden it away as it has gotten older and lumpier. I have used it as an object of consumption, commerce, and production.

I was taught to control the body but not how to connect to god through my body.

I’ve not used my body as a temple or a sacred space.

Is it possible that in the story about Jesus clearing the temple, there is a lesson about not using the body as a means of production and consumption and commerce? Is it possible to imagine that clearing the temple can teach us to reclaim our bodies as places of spirit rather than simply machines for the making of money and the building of empires? Or even worse, as objects to be feared, subdued and shamed?

I’ve been renewing my meditation practice these past couple of years. I don’t find rest in my mind or thoughts, on the contrary, I find rest through the body. Through the breath, the senses, the feel of the cushion beneath me, or the hum of the fan in the room.

Is it possible that when the Bible says “your body is the temple of the holy spirit”, it is not saying that we should leave, suppress, and repress the body and find holiness in the mind; but rather go INTO the body to find god. Walk into the temple and sit awhile. Rest with your beating heart, your breath going in and out and feel of your pulse.

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Life is the dancer

it is quite spectacularly beautiful.

In his book "A New Earth", Eckhart Tolle says that life is the dancer and we are the dance.

Life, god, the ground of being goes on and on, bubbling up in various forms.  It has done so for millenia and will continue to do so long after I am gone.  I am just one of the little bubblings.

When my husband and I were in Iceland we walked along a beach that had little bubbling geothermal pockets here and there.  That heat, that energy, that life was underneath all along and everywhere and just burst forth unexpectedly here and there.  The Icelandic people made the best of it; hot pools to soak in, energy to heat their homes, we even saw them bake bread in the ground using the geothermal "bubblings" as ovens.

A lot of the time, I get it backward and start thinking that I am the dancer and life is the dance.  I am the poet and life is the poem.  I am the writer and my life is the story.  It's a lot of pressure to write the script of my life.

Turns out I write tragedy.

But life is the dancer.  It's dancing through me for a little while and dancing through you in a different form.  Life is the playwright playing out a scene in my life and a different one in yours.  Life is the poet writing a poem through me and another through you.

And life, love, God, the universe  - whatever you name it - writes a much more beautiful story than I do.  Overall, it's a story of life, diversity, beauty, and wonder.  Have you ever just looked at nature and thought how amazing it all is?  The colors?  The weirdness?  The wonder of it all?   Oh, sure, it has its moments of tragedy, pain and death, but over the course of the entire show, it is quite spectacularly beautiful.

For we are God’s masterpiece, his work of art, her dance, his story, her poem. God has written us anew through using the word that was there from the beginning, so we can be the dance he planned to dance through us long ago.  Ephesians 2:10  (Paraphrase mine) 

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All philosophical

My heart rises in my throat and I think I might just choke on the sadness of it.

These past months I’ve waxed philosophical about death and how it’s bound up in life.

I’ve thought about evil and how it’s bound up in good.

I’ve stood with my arms firmly planted on my hips in the face of suffering and declared that it’s often just a story I am telling myself and I could tell a different one.

I’ve tried to be all zen about the mess of life, and the tragedy of watching my parents pass away in front of my eyes, little by little, bit by bit.

Most of the time, I’ve been dry-eyed.

All cerebral and philosophical.

And then I read a story about a mother dolphin in New Zealand who is grieving over her stillborn baby and is carrying the body of a her dead calf on her back through the waters  for days and days unable to let it go.

And my heart rises in my throat and I think I might just choke on the sadness of it. That mother dolphin. Who can’t get all philosophical about her suffering. All she can do is experience it. And she carries it for days and days.

I’m haunted by her and I can’t breathe. So I push her away because I’m not as courageous as she is. I can’t hold on to it like she can. I have to let it slip into the depths so that I don’t.

https://people.com/pets/mourning-mother-dolphin-carries-dead-baby-for-days/

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The feast of death

There is no feast without death and destruction.

Behind every feast is a great deal of violence. Things are killed, pulled and plucked, sliced and smashed. Heat is applied.

If you were the potato as it sat in the oven, you would not celebrate the feast that is about to occur.

It’s a simplistic parallel, but life is the same. There is no feast without death and destruction. Sometimes we’re the soil, sometimes the potato and sometimes we are the feaster.

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REST

The body is our most reliable prophet

I can’t believe it’s been over two months since I posted anything! I intended to take a break for the holidays and it turned into something more.

My son fell ill over the holidays and sitting with him in the ER over New Years Eve, I gave him a little talk about how the body is our most reliable prophet. It will tell us to rest when our minds tell us that hard work is the answer. It will say “no” when we can’t bring our mouths to say it. It will tell us to sit when we have been standing too long or to stand when we’ve been chained to our desk. It will tell us to quit eating or drinking, or to eat or drink more.

If we listen.

Most of us have told our bodies to shut up. Most of us plug our ears and turn away.

The body may scream even louder

STOP!

BREATHE!

REST!

The talk I gave my son was as much for me as for him. It’s easy for me to drive myself. Work, produce, work even more. The opportunities are always there. Career, taking care of my parents, taking care of my kids, home improvement projects, self improvement projects. Blogging.

So, for a change, I listened to my body and rested instead of writing.

Now I’m back.

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Girl Talk Part 7 - Damaged Goods

When we make people “goods” it’s much easier to make them damaged goods.

Warning:  This one gets a little preachy. 

For the series “girl talk” I asked women about the toxic messages they were given as advice.  I got tons of responses on the topic of damaged goods. 

• One woman told a story about being at a retreat where the leader gave out oreo cookies to everyone.  Then he took one from one of the girls, opened it and licked out the cream filling and gave it back to her.  He proceeded to tell everyone to enjoy their cookie.  The point he then went on to make is that of course the girl didn’t want her cookie, because he had already enjoyed it.  This is how men will see her if she gives herself away sexually before marriage.  No one will want her because she is damaged goods. 

• Another told about the same kind of message she was given but using a chewed gum metaphor. 

• Another was told:  “Your virginitiy is like a flower, if you give away petals you will have nothing left for your husband”

• My mom told me when I was growing up that no one would want to buy the cow if the milk was for free. 

This purity culture messages is saying that a woman’s worth is in her purity.   It teaches women it is a good strategy to withhold sex from a man in order to get him to marry her.   So, in essence, we are setting up a system in which men marry women to get in their pants.  But what about afterwards?  What happens after that desire is satisfied?  What is the attraction at that point?  

I hate the cow analogy, but honestly, how will we ever know whether someone loves us for our personhood rather than our maidenhood unless we give the milk away for free?  Do I want my relationship to be based upon sexual coercion?

To be in a relationship with a woman, you are in a relationship with a person, not a cow, or gum or flowers or oreo cookies.  Quite obviously, a woman who has had sex is not damaged goods any more than a boy who has had sex is damaged goods. Their worth is not bound up in their purity, or honestly in any other singular aspect of their body.  Girls and boys alike must be taught that what makes a person attractive is not simply the body, virginal or not.   This kind of objectification leads to using rather than loving.   Girls and boys alike must be taught to value character, intelligence, humor and depth in the other.  These are the traits that will contribute to solid relationships of mutual respect and equality. 

There are a million ways to hurt and damage another person.  Sex can be one of them if it is undertaken without consent or respect.  But you know what else damages a person?  Reducing them to an object that is only desirable under certain conditions.   I’m sure an awful lot of kids have been damaged by the oreo cookie talk, the chewing gum analogy and the cow advice.   I have a lot more baggage from the cow advice than from sex outside of marriage. 

To be sure, it’s not just women that are hurt by messages of objectification.  When any person is objectified, it is easier for us to use, abuse and neglect them.  It is easier for us to reject them and toss them out if we don’t see them as human beings. Whether we say a woman is only desirable if she’s a virgin, or if she’s thin enough, or that a man is only desirable based on his ability to earn money and be successful.   Either way, the person is reduced to an object.  When we make people “goods” it’s much easier to make them damaged goods.   

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Girl Talk Part 6 - The "S" Word

Submit

Well, you must have known if I asked a bunch of women about toxic advice they’ve been given, that the subject of submission would come up sooner or later. I got so many responses about submission, that I can’t even begin to list them all but here are a few:   

·        A Godly woman is submissive

·        Men are the provider, pursuer, and protector

·        The wife is the “helper” or “helpmeet”  to her husband

·        The man is supposed to be the “spiritual leader” of his wife

·        Be careful about intimidating men, make sure to make yourself smaller so you don't scare them away!

 ·        A woman should never ask a man on a date, because she would be seen as too forward, desperate, or intimidating.

 I’ve waited to write about the “s” word, because it’s hard to know what to say.  It’s always been interesting to me (and tragic) that religion has taken the verses on submission and weaponized them against women. 

The Bible has much to say about an attitude of submission, and the smallest amount of it is directed at women.  Some examples: 

• Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well

• Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times

• A dispute also arose among them as to which of them was considered to be greatest. 25 Jesus said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. 26 But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves.

• Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.

•  Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children,  and live in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God

Obviously, verses in the Bible about submission of women to their husbands were written in the context of a time in history and a society in which women did not have equality.  Sure they say that the husband is the head of the wife.  This was the way things were back then.  It was a time and a society in which women had no rights, people owned slaves, customs were different.   It’s fascinating (and not in a good way) that we are able to adjust our understanding and are able to see pretty clearly that verses about slavery, or other customs like eating meat sacrificed to idols, or covering the head during worship, do not translate literally for modern times, but the same kind of common sense is not applied to verses that describe women’s societal roles. 

Even so, if you read the verses in full, it is clear that the picture that is being painted promotes an attitude of mutual submission and respect to one another.  In addition to telling women to be submissive they say:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

and

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 

Certainly a revolutionary idea for its time!  Not only does the writer ask women to be submissive, but he asks for the man to give himself up for her as Christ did for people and to submit mutually.   Surely this idea for its time promoted women and offered them a degree of status and equality that their society did not.   The verse was meant to move women ahead.

It is tragic that 2000 years later, Christianity – the very movement that set them light years ahead in the area of equality – that is now setting them light years back. 

You know what the “s” word for that is?  Shame. 

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Silence

“Silence is God’s first language. Everything else is a poor translation.”

Thomas Keating died on October 25th.    Cynthia Bourgeault wrote the following: “ He will be remembered as one of the giants of contemporary contemplative spirituality, not only for his groundbreaking work in Centering Prayer—which made contemplation truly accessible to Christian lay people for the first time—but also for the breadth and depth of his interspiritual vision, which kept growing in luminosity and compassion right up to his very last breath. I have never witnessed a more triumphant and powerful conscious death, modeling for us all the wingspan of spirit that can dwell in a life courageously and recklessly tossed to the winds of God.”

I aspire to that kind of death; one that is powerful and conscious, one that is the final act of a life recklessly tossed to the winds of God. I’m working on that kind of a life. It’s definitely a work in progress.

Thomas Keating was considered to be one of the pioneers of centering prayer, a type of meditation that is rooted in silence.   I just discovered centering prayer a couple of years ago. I have been an undisciplined meditator for over twenty years, and an undisciplined meditator loses out on the lessons to be gained from meditation.  I started meditating in my late twenties, when I became a licensed hypnotherapist.  The methods I used were either guided imagery, or breath meditations.   After the first couple of years, my meditation practice became more and more sporadic.   A couple of years ago, I decided to renew my practice and discovered centering prayer by reading a book by Cynthia Bourgeault.  I’ve found the journey into silence to be much more challenging than the types of meditation I’ve done in the past and much more compelling.  I love silence.  I long for it.  I struggle with it.  Real silence is hard to achieve.  Even when I cut out the noise from the outside, the noise from inside persists.  The ego likes to chatter and doesn’t like to let go.  Thomas Keating is known to have said, “Silence is God’s first language. Everything else is a poor translation.” 

Here is a lovely prayer from Thomas Keating:

The Welcoming Prayer (by Father Thomas Keating)

Welcome, welcome, welcome,

I welcome everything that comes to me today, 

because I know it's for my healing.

I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations, and conditions. 

I let go of my desire for power and control.

I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval and pleasure. 

I let go of my desire for survival and security. 

I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself.

I open to the love and presence of God and God's action within. 

Amen. 

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Spit it out

Goals were about how strong you were and what you were able to endure rather than what you wanted and didn’t want.

When I was a little girl, I couldn't figure out how to eat meat.  I couldn't figure out how to chew and let the juice stay with the meat and swallow it while it was still moist. I would swallow the juice and just chew and chew the meat until it became dry and inedible in my mouth.  I would quietly spit it into my napkin, hoping nobody noticed.  My siblings love to tell a funny but gross story that I barely remember because I was so young.  We were on a family road trip and stopped for lunch.  I still had the bacon from breakfast in my mouth because I hadn't been able to swallow it and had nowhere in the car to spit it out.

This bacon story is a metaphor and was a foreshadowing for my life.   There are a lot of things in life that I can do if I tough it out.  There are some I can’t.  Far too often, I have held on to things way too long, rather than saying no and letting go; jobs, relationships, tasks and responsibilities.   That kind of determination has served me well in many cases and has been a disaster in others.     Being raised by a football coach, there was an emphasis on strength.  Goals were about how strong you were and what you were able to endure rather than what you wanted and didn’t want.  Admitting weakness was not done. One must never admit defeat. 

I find that even after years of trying to connect with what I want, I am often far too focused on endurance instead of desire.  Saying no and letting go usually seems to feel more like "I can't" than "I don't want to.”   So, I chew and chew and chew until things become dry and gross rather than spitting them out. 

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